I've troubled myself through some intense period of time trying to dissect & put my depression account into words. I thought the process will help me understand this condition even better but hell it also amplifies my anxiety. Fuh anyhow currently I've managed to draft a piece of writing consisting maybe around 1 thousand words. But it's nowhere near finish yet,heck- it barely feels suffice. So let it stay unfinished (rot) in the draft section.
Because I've discovered a new light in battling my own inner demons after hearing from Rob Krar. Rob is an emerging ultrarunner that has won & set several new course records in hallmark ultraraces in recent years. Now sponsored by TNF, Rob juggles his life as an athlete with his permanent job as pharmacist working night shifts. Here's the catch, Rob also suffers from depression & he uses running as a tool (or therapy?) to the explore deeper into the emotional abyss & then leverage the pain & darkness depression brings.
Rob have some depth. He's a pharmacist so he clearly got some brain other that high VO2Max. Rob have spoken a lot about depression & how running fits into the picture, but ultimately one thing he said that stuck in my mind is this:
"It is just bad chemistry in the brain." (Rephrased)
Bamm! Can it be more true? All of our emotions & thoughts are simply the result of neurons firing & propagating impulses inside our brain. With a cocktail of chemicals, neurotransmitors, inhibitors promoters and stuffs aiding the whole process. It's a no-nonsense,all systemic, all biology. And Rob as a pharmacist
The destructive & dangerous thoughts, the profound loss of interest & all other symptoms one experiences during depression; all are as real as it gets. But it is not a mystery shrouded in dead ends. All roots from the molecular biology of our brain- meaning that we can do something to fix them.
Running is well known to promote the rush of Serotonin (dubbed the 'happy hormone') inside our brain. And that's why all depressions seems to be canceled out when you are gliding on the road, huffing & puffing, drops of sweat on your chin, cruising your being fluidly forward in euphoria. The 'runners high' as they call it. I feel it all along but I didn't realize it this way. Rob sees this.
So with this revelation & perspective, it lifts away all inferiority, the frustation & anger of experiencing (or rather trapped inside) the dreaded spiral of depression. These complexes are the mental barriers that often make oneself feels helpless hopeless and so weak. But chin up mannn It's just bad chemistry in the brain! It feels better when you embrace the struggle.
We can fix this bad chemistry. For me I'm gonna run even more, and options other than that is to engage in activities that excites & challenges you. Also take care of your food, and if necessary consult for medications such as antidepresants etc.
Depression is real, it's essentially scientific. That's why we can try to turn it around.