Thursday, May 31, 2018

bruce-ahalah


“Be like water” said late Bruce Lee. It's the secret of being gentle yet formidable as a force.


if I were to become anything as such, I think it's the good old air teh right now lol. You add sugar and tea powder (not in tea bags) to hot water, stir to golden yellow and you get yourself classic air teh. But it's full of fine bits of tea leaves- without a sieve u need to wait for the tea powder to completely settle at the bottom then only u can enjoy the clear liquid, sir or pour to a cup or whatever.


That kinda reflect the innerworkings of men, or at least yours truly. I can relate in the sense that we can have sound mind with the task at hand, until we find ourselves in an event that stirs our head in the wrong way, bringing unwelcomed emotions that lay quiet back up and cloud our clear conscience. How to teabag these and go unfazed by any stirring is another challenge.


sometimes i get riled up to myself for having these mental hissy fits. I figured out an adult male approaching the coveted 30 ought to have better control of his train of thoughts and I, had to chase em all the time. Let alone to navigate steadily through the tidings of the mind, lel such a confused mess. Altough all battle is contained inside and no stray bullets got away to crack the surface, dialectics is needed so that no beans is spilled- the proof is this very blog, where glimpses of the chaotic episodes got etched in questionably cohesive words. If it’s an attempt to figure things out- then why every post felt like revealing weaknesses? It is quite upsetting

But but but this idea of not spilling beans for the sake of male pride, and being so secretive about personal issues, and not admitting emotional vulnerabilities- it is toxic masculinity isn’t it? 

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Tak Shia shia

Yo what’s up!
I was in a bad place mentally for the past couple of months.
Got some personal dilemmas that drained a lot of my chill then followed by Ramadan, possibly the time of the year where i felt the loneliest. Double whammy! Certainly not a pleasant thing to constantly be haunted by disagreement,discontention and feeling the crushing sense of loneliness. Shit is exeptionally hard to pinpoint let alone to shake off. As usual instead of distracting myself away I allow the darkness to consume me whole in order to understand the roots to the problems but everytime i just got swept away by the strange tidings of the mind. And ended up tired of everything.

Then one day while I was hurting in my confusion Shia Labeouf showed up and passionately screamed to me “JUST OWN IT! JUUUST OOWN IIITTT!!” then casually trotted away while stroking his beard like nothing happened.


At that moment I dawned upon me. The mental mess that I’m having right now is due to my undivided resistance to some of my reality. I (maybe too strongly) refuse to accept the polarity between my innate values right now and those of my blood lines for example, and dwelling a lot on my shortcomings. The perfectionist & expressionist part of me was at loggerheads with myself about embracing these less favorable details & criticized ideals about himself, in doing that I failed to see all the good stuffs i actually have and throw away my blessings which i should be very grateful about and appreciate.
Thanks my man Shia I’m gonna own them all.  I’ll try.

It’s Ramadan day 10- Still bored. Bored of waking up alone to phone alarm everyday to sahur alone,bored to settle for any simple edible thing because don’t feel like indulging to delicious food alone. Don't get any of the festivities excitement. Going through everyday motions, emotionless. Whats the point of all this. Koyak koo


OWN IT!!! Okay Shia I hear you

Friday, May 4, 2018

sonder-ish


One can be so unbothered and apathetic towards another, to the point of giving non-existent treatment and won't bat an eyelid for anything. Couldn't care less, just ignore- and leave him/her be.

One can be so deeply concerned and loving towards another to the point of above all worrying, respecting personal space and having faith that they can soldier through adversities. Watching from a distance- and leave him/her be.

How every action might have profound alternative backstory and meaning, never fails to amaze me.

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