Wednesday, August 30, 2017


I got a phone call from my faculty, Apparently it's now time for new students intake and the faculty want to 'invite' me as one of alumnus rep to meet the juniors of my course program, and talk about stuffs I feel relevant. When presented this opportunity, I found it rather jarring on so many levels.
1) It's comical because I'm anything but a model student. I bend (most people call it 'break') all the rules when I'm in their shoe, to fulfill my idea of student life.
2)I haven't had any contact with my faculty since graduation. Also non-existent in alumni association. Definitely not a model alumni either.
3) Not sure if I accomplished anything significant that warrants me the position to tell even juniors anything about this field of study. I’m still figuring out all this myself tbh.
So why me? The faculty conceded that my contacts were given to them by some other seniors they first approached, So yeah, must be all them better fitting seniors are unavailable.
So I need to talk about something useful and relevant to the new juniors of my course program.

You see, it’s a personal dilemma because I believe the best message about any subject is the one delivered from its genuinely passionate devoted practitioner and frankly speaking this subject and I is not exactly that. I might fared well (kinda) in science & tech field, but I realize outside that obligation I have strong affinity towards humanities, philosophy & sociology, and arts. I read & grok books encompassing these topics. I am very interested to understand human behavior & perception of this world to fully appreciate the diversity.

Working in science & tech while maintaining penchant for humanities & sociology is not exactly a seamless transition. They shouldn’t be treated as polar opposite but I regrettably I feel that way and I am conflicted in that specific chasm. Almost like leading double identity, I feel dishonest to myself, equals to not worthy to tell juniors what to do..yeah the thought snowballed following that pattern.

Until one day, it occurs to me that this chasm is not that much of a divide afterall, they actually coalesce. When I  do biological data informatics, I’m learning deeper about humans too by looking directly at their genetic  blueprints. While I’m designing Artificial Intelligence-Deep Learning application, I dive into some eye opening ideas on human thought processes eg: to build inferences and filtering assumptions to emulate them in silico. The methods I adopt might be unconventional but the goal is the same- to understand better about humans and human mind. Turned out I still can tap all them in parallel! This moment of realization settles down the personal dilemma.

So this is my story about bioinformatics, a personal anecdote. I’m not going to yap about study smart & score good grades, pursue academic excellence to the top tier blablabla because that’s everyone's personal learning curve to experience. If you can, try to carry the knowledge you studied to it's respective profession, because we are all units of investment for our community/nation. If everyone opt out from their discipline after graduating in pursuit of more popular careers, that’s a lot of failed investment, money flushed down the drain.

Monday, August 21, 2017


There's a 'lie' in believe
'Good' in goodbye
'Over' in lover,
'End' in friend, 
'Us' in trust, 
'If' in life
'Ok' in Lokman
'Hell' in hello
'Shit' in shittake
'Room' in mushroom
'Ass' in Glass
'Ape' in vape
'Air' in hair

idk where this is heading or what its trying prove here yapyapyap what the fuqqq i miss my long hair already

Monday, August 14, 2017


Recently I lost a friend.
We don't even know each other for that long, but in that shared moment I got enough ideas & the impressions of how as a person he was. We have many mutual friends too that sometimes told stories about him so I kinda build a profile about him long before we actually met. The fact that we share similar passion for the outdoors & solo backpacking made us can relate to each other naturally.

It's difficult to describe this, but I feel the loss like an old friend. Usually I don't become this sensitive, in fact I believe the only sensitive part of me is my wisdom tooth. But his demise hits something home in a way that I was not prepared for at that time.

Knowing him personally & learning about him from friends' stories, I can say that he's a good son, a brilliant student, a selfless companion, a kind soul. A great man all round. I root for him to succeed in life, personally & professionally. I really do. Now that he's gone, I can't help to feel bit sentimental about all the stuffs life had in store for him..wonderful things that he might achieve. Because he deserve all the happiness in this world.

Gone too soon if you ask me, but that's how life works. Alfatihah Mirul Dewa. Rest in peace see you later bro.

badaboom badabeam

Feels like there's a party in my head these time around. Books I currently read, work challenges I'm undertaking, pondering existential stuffs- are among the reasons. But a large stimulus of this is the people I meet nowadays. You see, there's an influx of new recruits into my workplace in the past months & all are fresh grads, in their early 20s, youthful souls transitioning from class into workforce. Competencies aside because youngsters need chances to groom & hone their skills to be the best they can be. been there so yeah. What fascinates me is the new opportunity at hand for me to learn about them as humans- How do they perceive life? What are the things that matters to them? Where do they take inspiration from? Who do they look up to? How do they want to be treated? What's their take on popular issues like feminism & gender fluidity? My questions can never end. I want to pick their brain (not in Hannibal kind of way).

To me age never really matters but I acknowledge that systematic difference in our timeline can explain why we are all so diverse. Between us there's enough age gap to make a generational fault, and already being the old soul among my peers doesn't help to make me feel sometimes ancient. Mingling with them youngsters make me feel happy but nostalgic, reminding me of my former selves. Discovered a lot about young people nowadays, rediscover myself in the process. I realize there's an invisible attraction for me to dial back down to that place, to act like I'm early 20s again. So here is the beautiful duality in the situation- I must allow their youthfulness to rub off on me & loosen the rigidity that adulthood might have force into me but as someone who knows better, I must also share/teach them (by example) a bit about maturity, professionalism, and responsibilities, and some strategic seriousness required as indie adult.
Afterall I've always made a strong case about maintaining solid original identity.

And of course like any good party, things can get eventful to a point of being confusing at times. When they came I get to flex my emotion muscles even in ways that I don't really thought possible. I recall experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions , some are alright some not so much. And a ridiculous lot of contemplation in between. But I guess thats just how it works, people who can make you feel good can make you feel shitty and what not too. After all dust has settled, smoke and mirrors taken away, I appreciate all their contributions to my life reel. I hope to reciprocate on that.
My penchant for understanding people is not just a hobby. It's my path to restoration & catharsis.


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