Thursday, September 26, 2013

the beating of my heart is the only sound

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

why always me

tadi aku duduk2 betulkan urat kat ruang legar masjid lepas settle solat maghrib.
aku dengar2 suara kanak-kanak kuat dalam masjid.
aku perasan, ade budak perempuan kecik yang riang ria lari2.

mak dia yang panggil budak tu suruh berenti.
tapi budak tu mane kisah dia tengah seronok tu.

mak dia cuba nak dapatkan budak tu tapi budak tu lari.kali ni ke arah aku.
mak budak tu pun cakap kat aku "dik,tolong pegang budak tu dik"
budak tu lari menuju aku

aku pun nak tolong lah.Baru gerak sikit tangan standby nak pegang,
jauh lagi.budak tu nampak aku & menangis macam takut amat & lari balik ke mak dia.

mak dia kata, "terime kasih ye dik". lalu dukung anak dia yang teresak2 pergi.


A little bit of me died inside

Saturday, September 21, 2013

kehadapan anak-anak semua

anak-anak kebanggaan ibu bapa.
bila anak-anak kecik2,pun ibu bapa bangga.
bila anak-anak dah besar panjang lagilah menjadi kebanggaan ibu bapa.

sepanjang aku duduk di kawasan kejiranan bersuasana desa terpulihara ni,
aku banyak berkomunikasi dengan golongan yang sama level dengan ibu bapa aku.
bila aku layan sembang dengan jiran-jiran yang rata-ratanya pangkat makcik2 & pakcik2 ni,
mesti tak lama mereka akan masuk cerita anak-anak mereka.
kadang2 aku kagum dengan macam mana pun topik asal yang diborakkan, pasti kemudiannya sampai kepada sesuatu yang dikaitkan dengan perihal anak-anak mereka,lalu topik asal tak kedengaran lagi krikk3.

cerita macam mana mereka bangga dengan anak-anak mereka.

bagi orang yang tak biasa layan orang-orang tua, mungkin akan rasa yang ni seolah menunjuk2 dan bermegah2 kepada orang lain tentang pencapaian & perangai terpuji anak2 kepada ibubapa.
tapi biarkanlah mereka, memang boleh diterima perasaan seronok & gembira mereka tu.

walaupun aku struggle nak menyambut & menyambung point2 yang dilontarkan oleh makcik2 pakcik2 ni bila sembang topik kemuliaan anak2 mereka, tapi aku berusaha jelah jugak sedaya upaya untuk layan & menghidupkan perbualan tu..dan membuat mereka berpeluang berasa seronok.

jadilah anak-anak yang bertanggungjawab & membuatkan ibu bapa kita bangga.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Noetic Science

Being in a scientific environment and working in scientific circa really moulds me into something..sci-fi? no that's not the word. Well what i'm trying to say is my appreciation to science increases as i fail (read:learn) more in my attempts to accomplish my job.

Scientific world is a vast field, new branch of studies defined with profound focus and resources exhausted on them.I appreciate them all as long as they are not crappy.

Have you ever heard of Noetic Science? It is definitely not of the conventional kind. Actually there's an institute focused on this branch of study. The institute proposed that noetic sciences is an alternative theory of "how beliefs, thoughts, and intentions affect the physical world". Interesting enough eh? some creepy spooky mysterious feel to it.

I begin to know about this kind of 'science' after finished reading one Dan Brown book; The Lost Symbol. Well I know that Dan Brown's books were quite 'eccentric' but most of the infos and facts are indeed real.
and Noetic Science really exist!

One interesting story progression in the book that I remember is the argument about does human collective thoughts alone have the ability to change something physically.

The moon is practically a big boulder of rock. And every rock, is made up from smaller shares of stones, and eventually everything can be broken down to sands. So it is actually sands piled and clumped together to form a larger bulk of sand-the moon.The moon as a large rocky object has its own gravitational force. And this is undeniably the outcome of it's building blocks,the gravity pull is contributed by each tiny part of it. So each sands, no matter how minute and hardly-measurable, has it's own 'weight' of force/energy.

The theory applies to human thoughts..while a single thought can be negligible and insignificant, a collective thought on a common subject is another thing. Noetic Science believes that when thoughts from many are are collectively  focused and exhausted to one matter in a parallel manner, the individual energy of a thought can aggrevates together into a mightier force, and if strong enough, can alter the course/outcome of the subject physically. Just like the moon, a collective thoughts can have a 'gravity' that can pull things towards its favor.

As sceptical and sci-fi as this may sound, the noetic science practitioners claim they have established academic approach using state-of-the-art tech to substantiate the matter, and can measure all the dynamics that revolve in the experiment. And for sure their labs are not with the same sight that we are familiar with.

The above theory made me think about things we mankind refer as hopes, wishes and prayers..
Alright now it's up to you to have some food for thoughts.
Dont be prejudice to knowledge as they were all fun to know :)


I've been infamously known among close friends as someone who sometimes destructively overthought.

I concede to that and I've learnt my lesson (I still am) to balance and thought healthily.

One new knowledge that i've came upon recently was the Occam's Razor Theory.
This is neither any self-proclaimed theory nor just a mediocre piece of idea, it's accepted world wide and has been adopted/reinvented to suit scientists, mathematicians,physicist,engineers and other pros.

The only group that were to oppose this is most likely the conspiracy theorist.

It  is basically a thought-provoking theory that simplicity (sometimes) is a virtue. The better option.

and it sets as a check and balance for me.

Occam's Razor Theory states
"*If you have two theories that both explain the observed facts, then you should use the simplest until more evidence comes along*"
"*The simplest explanation for some phenomenon is more likely to be accurate than more complicated explanations.*"
"*If you have two equally likely solutions to a problem, choose the simplest.*"
"*The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct.*"
. . .or in the only form that takes its own advice. . .
"*Keep things simple!*"

Saturday, September 14, 2013


One thing that I am increasingly aware of nowadays is about what i eat. It's neither like i am a choosy-fussy in picking up place to eat, nor a nutrition freak, it's just a clear conscience about what actually i am supplying to my body. Never before i  have to contemplate much about getting my tummy filled. It's hard to make sure the food is good in nutrition & prepared according to the compliances. Not just the hygiene, but in Islam to consume anything prepared from the hands of a cook who does not pray can have a profound effect to us. And of course the nutritional value left in the food is a major concern to me. And i started to think that maybe the most feasible way to keep all those in control is to cook by myself, at home. I never cook at home before and the kitchen is as barren as sahara. Maybe in some time soon dapur akan mula berasap..just asap..hopefully nothing catches up on fire.

After some valuable experience in management and research works, now i'm back as a grad student.
I have mixed feelings, but i'll adapt and get used to the environment. Sometimes i was like just woke up from a dream and wonder what i was doing here with all of the stuffs i'm into. Second thoughts are inevitable too. I always think about things that were at stake, and hopes that were put on men. And that makes me motivated to do well.But still i am weighing the options and any free-chasing opportunities.

My liberty as a runner took a significant setback when i picked up an injury in the left knee. It's nothing serious and life-changing, but no hopes for Personal Best (PB) attempts for the rest of the year. To push hard with the problem will just make it worse.A complete layoff is a better option, but i decided to just go on with it and tackle the distances left in a gentler way, holding myself off during the run and not to get carried away with the euphoria that kicked in as the miles adding.That way i  can still finish all the races i've set to run this year, regardless of what my timings are. For now. i can live with that..that's good enough for me. refrain from running,and i'll just walk a lil bit faster.. The root of this injury has been identified, there's an imbalance of strength and flexibility between both of my legs. My right leg seems to be better developed that the other, it is noticable from the muscular tone at first glance. So i will work them out both equally, the quads,calf,hamstrings,achilles,knees,glutes and all! and insyaAllah i'll come back stronger next year :B

The Killers are coming to Malaysia next week 22nd of September. I have some hope to see them live in the Sepang-held concert. I just want to feel the new experience and enjoy the music that i've been clinging onto since i'm 13 years young :P. The Killers really is a special band for me, it's not just their music that rocks lyrically and instrumentally, but they are one of those bands from the few nowadays that remains clean,  healthy and with good image. Anyway i still cant confirm any sign of joining the crowd that day, because i have some other things to take care of.

As indifferent,selectively ignorant,and innocently insensitive as i have always been, i am actually a dramatic and expressive person. just discovered that.

and i am constantly have thought about things that really makes one an adult..i mean the things that really put u up there on the chart as an adult that people looked up onto.



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