Junkie

Apart from all the things I am addicted with , I have this insatiable thirst for thoughtful things. So I watch & listen & read unprejudicely to seek for the next fix. It must ellicit some form of mental excitement and epiphany. This is natural to me so it is very effortless, my senses will just catch them when we cross path. You know how meerkat attentively stand up when they senses something? Yeah I will be exactly like that. No shit.

These gems are everywhere, if it's in books that I read or videos that I intentionally play then it's very convenient. But they come in surprisingly too, like that mysterious song I heard from the speakers of the shopping mall or in TV ads, or that particular bit of word uttered by whats-his-name in the i-dont-know TV show I watched while having my meal in a restaurant. Whenever that happens I'll be scrambling to jolt them down in a piece of paper or note them in my phone. They go as quickly as they come so I just wrote any bits I can salvage to revisit later. Google power.

Sometimes I get so excited I will share them in social media (I only have facebook) most of the time it's almost spontaneous. Often no one found it as amusing as I did, but that's normal I guess because people are diverse. Sometimes people will reply jokingly, I don't mind if they don't get it but it frustrates me inside when they so easily 'disrespect' the thoughtfullness. Everytime that happens I feel a lil' bit lonely. Like when you play squasy but the ball didn't bounce back everytime after you hit to the wall.

In my mind I have ditched Facebook as medium to express anything with real content, but maybe at times I'll do it anyways. I'll return to blog, my refuge when I have anything to share with the universe. And I'm contemplating Twitter too.

But I have Sia complex as well. You know Sia? Chandelier & Elastic Heart Sia? Yeah I want to share but I'll be in anxiety & discomfort when things I shared on facebook gathered attention- when the post got quite a number of likes & comments. It bugs me to realize people are noticing & reading my posts so I'll either turn off notification, hide the post, delete the post, or just make the post visible to only me (my favourite). And that's why I like blogging too. I can just pour anything here & I'm in peace for not knowing if anyone reads this at all.

Random ramblings.