tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43413904844684397702024-02-07T18:38:32.435+08:00OK is part of my name, so yeah.The world I am from might not exist anymore but this blog helps me rememberkemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.comBlogger501125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-66884997316832909182023-09-22T09:41:00.009+08:002023-09-28T01:09:46.403+08:00calculate<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; text-align: justify; text-decoration: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;">real-time snapshot of thoughts for future self r</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 14px; text-align: justify; text-decoration: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;">eflection </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; text-align: justify; text-decoration: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; text-align: justify; text-decoration: underline; white-space: pre-wrap;">22/9/2023</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-ae304fd5-7fff-4631-f80d-8440b8a3b0f2"><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="color: #999999; font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>(Material aspect are important, just like other non-material aspects are important.)</i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I read that one key to building wealth and remain contended amidst assault of the market is </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the ability to delay gratification.</span></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That is, the self-control to stave off wants and having mindfulness to prioritise needs.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Delay gratification until the fruit of labor is ripe & ready for harvest.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To understand the bigger picture, prepare plans to manage risks and approach goals with good old discipline+patience.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As earnings increase, you will feel that you deserve to spend more because you work hard to afford it.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That is not a viable reason I feel, because ‘more’ is infinite and if appetite & impulse are the masters where does it stop? </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">how much premium/high-tier/convenient/comfortable can be enough?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Consumerism is rife now and it preys on people who are a sucker for instant pleasure. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People are dealing with lots of stressors from daily life and spending is branded as therapeutic.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: medium; display: inline-block; height: 189px; overflow: hidden; width: 337px;"><img height="189" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/NyjdXbrrDEMA20eZEP_4BYxvYtMM8CD7uP-IAVWn78gFXcSZd0GunscpB-59g97-gxeAg1I8go0yrbzR39bOkKSX5n6HdzOLw70O0M4SbXJx40o7dM0alv82ZNslgt-jgLEtxHzYNBlpu36xc_iZadU" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="337" /></span></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Perhaps a better consideration is to think and plan for the spending to be as a reward when a substantial goal is achieved</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">. As opposed to, tendency to splurge whenever you feel times are rough so you get surge of happiness from buying things..and escape reality for a moment. The idea is to celebrate, not escape your life events and chances are you’ll enjoy it more too. But I’m not gonna put a number for how many trips per year is right. Travel as much as you can. Life is but a sequence of </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">fleeting moments and understandably people value things differently.</span></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And remember for all our blessings and rezeki, in it contains portions for others too.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The increase in your resources means you are in a better position to help people in your life.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are where you are now can be attributed to all the kind help and opportunities that many people extended to you throughout your journey since birth. So never think you yourself made all this.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spread kindness and do good always, touch people’s lives by helping and foster genuine lasting relationships because the greater the impact of our good deed that people appreciate, the longer we will live. </span></p><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="border: medium; display: inline-block; height: 217px; overflow: hidden; width: 381px;"><img height="283.02853652251434" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/MIP_rpc2nq_6GZ2G55bWKTzCoBZ-2hPrWorC6XAYHUFHbnDQORq7u_Npa4JK28Ffq3FNYV_lXngCbhO-gL90dpfDc695Cu-UmqCLjVVyJ5mBD9_pN1uDEyWZ0NshfiN7ilYmBWbsmNJd2Yuo5aL7I-U" style="margin-left: -221px; margin-top: -18.304975px;" width="602" /></span></span></p><br /><br /><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Calculating GIFs | Tenor" class="r48jcc pT0Scc iPVvYb" jsaction="VQAsE" jsname="kn3ccd" src="https://media.tenor.com/MFE6UiMEpRoAAAAC/math-zack-galifianakis.gif" style="height: 213px; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 498px; width: 498px;" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">is about to take a calculated risk. but how good am I in maths again?</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-47086458498392286122023-09-11T08:01:00.002+08:002023-09-11T08:01:17.868+08:00<p>My mind suddenly recalled an old music- Sungai Lui by Aizat Aidan.</p><p>I have not listened to it for so many years</p><p>It's a timeless song, the line that particularly relevant to me in current phase of life is</p><p>"Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan, ataupun tanya mengejar dunia semata-mata?"</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-65671920028900795912021-08-15T00:45:00.004+08:002021-08-17T16:09:58.896+08:00on proportionality<p>Covid lockdown has been has been going on for an effective 16 months, granted there's been occasional relaxation but lives were forever altered. Experiences altered.</p><p>People were kept apart from their loved ones due to movement restrictions, couldn't visit family and friends for so many months is brutal, cooped up within walls, not able to socialize with circles, not able to travel or have their way with their favorite pastime. Not being able to fully explore options and take chances.<br /></p><p>Imagine how kids & students whose supposedly on a their formative days and developmental phase fare in these pandemic times. <br /></p><p>For adults there might be financial stressors as well, job losses, pay cuts, failing business, overdue commitments, shrinking savings. Uncertainties. Not to mention external turmoil that can add grim outlook to things.</p><p>Losses of loved ones and friends due to covid are another big stressors. Even grieving process is altered making hard for people to deal with the unprepared demise of people who are dear.<br /></p><p> I mean, these are the stabilizers for people's soundness. I believe if there's an index that measure Rakyat's stress levels it would be so high right now. </p><p>High stress level among people is one thing that can be attributed to rising incidence of domestic cases(not necessarily domestic violence) as reported in mainstream media recently. When two people both have been bottling up so much personal stress live together, friction are bound to happen. If not managed wisely (which can be the case when stress compromise mental soundness) any domestic disputes can flare up to bigger issues. Snowballed. Escalated. People lose sight of the true situation and not seeing resolution as shared goal. <br /></p><p>I am just laying it all out here man just because.</p><p>Here I am trying to make sense why my partner's intrepretation and reaction to some of my remarks are so disproportionate like no spectrum straight to the extremes Haha. One way to explain is from the built-up lockdown stress. Take refuge in understanding.</p>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-53388356088752838382021-06-28T03:20:00.003+08:002021-06-28T03:20:31.833+08:00woopdeedoo<p>As of the date this post was written, the world is still braving the pandemic with mixed results- one step forward two steps back. Then proceeds confidently to cartwheel and somersault before got hit by a truck. Figuratively.</p><p>For the second year, people were forced to live differently or face the dreadful risk of contracting next new strain of the virus. Latest one is one nasty variant codenamed Delta. Pathogens has been and will always be playing catch with mankind.</p><p>Bleak economic forecast, restrictions in activity impacts the economic machinery and the effect is deep...badly widen the already skewed wealth gap and in principal shrink purchasing power of the masses. </p><p>Social and physical isolation can break spirits. Missing dear family and friends.<br /></p><p>I have peers who shared grim stories of staring death in the face because of covid and its complications, and I also know people who were gone too soon..succumbed to the virus. </p><p>I too, realized the tension growing inside from mundane routine coupled with long hours of remote working and cooped up in a pigeon hole as a place to live.</p><p>This narrative is not the most coherent piece lol. Thats what I get for a lousy job committing to this blog. But I'll try to make time.<br /></p><p>A lot of things that can be seen in negative light. It takes some effort to be optimistic and hopeful in these challenging times. Hope to maintain headspace in correct place and put things into the right perspective.</p><p>In the times of uncertainties, conserve. <br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-7794156478804200422020-12-29T23:08:00.004+08:002020-12-30T01:12:32.983+08:00a year so nice they named it twice<p> Hi, </p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" 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" /> </p><p>I have not blogged anything yet this year. What a disservice to this valued space. And whatever happened in 2015 that made me spill so much? This trend should be inspected further..</p><p>Anyway before the year ends I'll try to reflect 2020 in a single post.</p><p>Altough it is not entirely according to plan, it's eventful and I think I adulted so hard. In 2020 i changed neighborhood during lockdown, switched jobs during lockdown, covid hits so cooped up & missed my dear family and friends, received keys to my 1st house & experienced the home owner dilemmas, all while prepping to get hitched and settle down. When leaving my previous job for a new one I actually arranged a gap month to chase down some long overdue bucket list, but all plans were halted by lockdown unfortunately. </p><p>Finances took a good beating, more like being suckerpunched by all that happened this year. But I believe that's what savings are meant for, to be used eventually for things that matters when the moment arrives. Glad to have some safety nets though it was not a lot it provided some much needed cushion. Now to rebuild from what's left, and strategize better with new phase of life. Financial literacy & management is a strong theme in adulthood, but i dont want it to be all i am thinking about. Still finding the sweet spot.</p><p>Some unfinished business has been an annoying drag. How I wish to get a clean break from my previous workplace & move on. But it is how it is, escalation is inevitable. One thing I learnt from this episode was- people will take advantage of you only if you allow them to.</p><p>Many are suffering because of disrupted economy & the domino effects, people losing jobs & stuck with uncertainties. Such circumstances can be depressing & crush spirits. I truly realize that how I am no better than them, it can easily be me in those tough position if not for some twist of fate, opportunities that universe have granted me. So while I will do my best to show my gratitude for the rizq, remember to try to extend help in ways possible. Let us live as supportive society that takes care of our community. </p><p>That's all. Happy new year!<br /></p>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-63942152284784609802019-06-10T13:44:00.003+08:002019-06-10T13:47:13.070+08:00AtasRecently I joined a small group of acquaintances I newly met to a 'business dinner'. A weird series of events landed me in that spot. They were all C level professionals, boss positions. The experience mingling around with such 'atas' group happens very rarely, hence uncommon to me, so i got extra mindful of things to see so that i can (hopefully) tactly react. <br />
<br />
First is the things they talked about...were proper BFM-esque (if you listen to the radio u'll get the idea), even their 'small talk' is not absolutely small.<br />
<br />
Second is the kind of humor they enjoy (it's mostly about tactful comments relating to a subject, plus clever word play and vocabs and expressions), the kind of humor that definitely requires some background knowledge and considerable commad in English to understand in order to find them amusing.<br />
<br />
I think I managed to fare pretty well and reciprocate the social energy in the room. One thing that interest me most was; for a group of people that earn a lot (minus yours truly lah) - they eat so little! The spread on the dining table were modest albeit the high price point, must be the quality idk. Portion of food was smaller than average in normal place i frequent to eat. Come to think of it, they lead pretty active lifestyles too, gym, yoga, etc. So there were rich people that owns excess wealth but woke to see through temptations and exercise self control to be in good shape. And i find the display of moderation despite high purchasing power very inspiring.<br />
<br />
Afterall, the goal is to be rich, not to look rich. Really rich people whose also rich in values and substance doesn't just unnecessarily flaunt their wealth for show or get easily enslaved by their primal desires to follow consumerism agendas and needing validation from strangers. <br />
<br />
I remember Syed Mokhtar Al-Bukhary said in an interview that went along the line of "We can only eat so much food, we can only perceive so much pleasantries as our senses allow us with food or other materials, that kind of pursuit for indulgence will never ends furthermore more often than not, it skews one's priorities..which is not right."<br />
<br />
So yeah. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-13753473900205135902019-05-27T11:44:00.002+08:002019-05-28T10:27:03.211+08:00Death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/etlBZInTE-I/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/etlBZInTE-I?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
Couple of days before this video came out I had similar thought about life in my normal dosage of routine existensial pondering and such. And during that wondering I also thought about what's there when we die. <br />
<br />
Subject like the idea of an afterlife where one will reap what he/she sows is basically the foundation of the lifestyle in religious teachings which believers live by, in hopes for a happy eternal ending- u do good then u get good and vice versa. I have to admit I'm not the strongest believer. I question things a lot and not convinced by the answers I get. However I find the better part in religious teachings (excluding some inhibiting matters where I have qualms ) are morally good and healthy and can serve as a code of conduct to instill some order and harmony in life, without one life's gonna be a unsettling filthy unhappy mess. That's pretty much why I do what I do.<br />
<br />
We die 3 deaths, First is when heart stops and brain ceases to function. Second is when our name is said for the last time. Third is when the last person with the memory of us dies.<br />
<br />
These ideas are very spiritual, without being bounded to any religious notation. And I subscribed to them closely. In all simplicity, be kind and do good deeds to people when we live so that when we no longer walks this earth, the memories and thoughts about us still echoes in the universe and in a way- we live forever.<br />
<br />
So when I saw this video of Keanue answering the question "What do you think happens when we die?". It hits home. Right in the feels.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-45480986494818434182019-04-10T12:30:00.001+08:002019-04-10T12:30:10.569+08:00unlearning acquired tastesometime earlier this year when parents came over, my siblings & i had to pick a place for family dinner. My bro as the most familiar person with the hood suggested a place and i naturally question whether it's good enough. My bro quipped the place's just fine and " kalau nak cari yang sedap2 bagi abang ni susah".<br /><br />That remark stayed with me, prompting an internal probe. Admittedly like most people I have my fair share of fussiness when it comes to food & all but is there anything too peculiar with my taste? <br /><br />After some reading I came upon the term 'Acquired Taste'. [Google definition:] An acquired taste is an appreciation for something unlikely to be enjoyed by a person who has not had substantial exposure to it. One's liking and preference in a certain matter (food, clothing, or experiences in general) got skewed towards a certain way it's offered among all it's categorical alternatives. Often it's being associated with the learning of like the 'finer' things in life to the point that 'lower-tier' options no longer satiating. Acquired taste does not necessarily equals to heightened taste or higher price-point, but in most cases i believe the term is used to describe that. One example is : improvements in quality of life enable oneself to afford things in higher price point, subsequently he/she got accustomed to the experience it brings and no longer wants the 'cheaper' options.<br />And that's what i think I had. Acquired tasted in several higher tier stuffs.<br />Next thing i think is- How to unlearn acquired taste?<br />Because I figured if I can manage with the cheaper foods from warongs and clothings from bundle back when I was younger (and earn less), i can surely revert back and free up more money for savings. Afterall I vowed to live life by the concepts of minimalism, these are the kind of ideals that I'm supposed to click in.<br /><br />So everyday since is a conscious decision making. Unlearning acquired taste.<br />kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-86022223068367059522019-04-04T11:34:00.001+08:002019-04-04T11:34:23.327+08:00ichi/shiCome April, I transcend to a new phase of life- the coveted 30!<br /><br />Reflecting on life's hits and misses, mentally calculating what's ahead, and<br />being the fundamentalist when it comes to embracing changes I continue to renew perspectives in<br />
the role of a men.<br />
<br />
Recently I finished a book written by infamous Frank Abagnale. Started reading it for a completely different reasons but auspiciously I came to a remark from him that left a profound impression, a timely point as I arrive on my coming of age.<br /><br />Frank shares what to him, what it truly is to actually be a man.<br />
Verbatim:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It's absolutely have nothing to do with money, achievements, skills, accomplishments, degree, professions, positions, A real man loves his wife, a real man is faithful to his wife, a real man- next to God and his country, puts his wife and children as the most important thing in his life. I've done nothing more rewarding, nothing more worthwhile, nothing that actually brought me more peace, joy and more happiness and more content in my life than simply be a good husband, a good father and what I strive to be everyday- a great daddy.</blockquote>
A real man, is a family man. <br />kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-75843486516040060672019-03-11T16:50:00.003+08:002019-03-11T18:02:59.695+08:00uno 2k19<span style="font-size: large;">Boom first write up 2019! </span><br />
three months in and only now i managed to muster some juice to come and yap hahaha. Having twitter and instagram sure offloads a lot of expression outta here, but this blog has always been a dear really intend to keep it, as diary, or time capsule, until Google decided to discontinue or kill the platform like they eventually will to their aged products.<br />
<br />
So what's up first quarter 2019?<br />
It has been eventful,<br />
<ol>
<li>got into convoluted situation with one of my fairly new but very close acquaintance, my conscience was put in a tough spot. When I was at the center of it I felt so strongly and dragged myself into a mess. But now all sorted it out, we cool. I let it be because to each their own- we all living our own plotlines.</li>
<li>I was seeking new job. Sent out one inquiry to a company helmed by one of Malaysia's towering corporate figure which I personally looked up to (hint: ex-ceo of AAX). Got called up to an interview. Felt the heat. We conversed about work, had further exchange through email over some time. Then syukur, I got offered the job! signed the contract! Gonna be a change of pace Lokman, from tranquil Cyberjaya to bustling KL right smack in Hartamas set to begin after my requested transition period of 2 months end.</li>
<li>Aaaaand two weeks later, I turned down the offer, a U-turn; reverted the countersigned contract. Had to, due to reasons. But I'll take the experience as a gain still. I think I fared well and managed the whole situation fine, deserve a pat in the back for how I carry (sell) myself. The CEO accepted & were not too upset about it & I am not blacklisted pheww. He mentioned that "hope our path will cross in the future". </li>
<li>After that I discovered an opportunity in Cyberjaya, a casual data-entry job that pays decently but the shift is nocturnal- 12am to 8am. I think I could use some excess money so I applied, got called up to the interview which is not as as easy as I expected. And I got accepted!</li>
<li>So it begins. I attempted 80-hours work week as Elon Musk said is the recipe to transform the world. In my case it's my financial world i guess. 12am to 8am i'll be working at my night job, then 9.30am to 6.30am i'll be working dayjob. Both require me to just sat in front of computer, both are located in Cyberjaya- I can slot in enough sleep. I figured this would work.</li>
<li>Aaaaaand after one month I resigned. It started to feel unhealthy, I struggled to find time to do things that I love, and during weekends I just want to sleep. I got so tired I microsleep whilst on the wheels and that's the wake up call. So I quit and use the month's paycheck to buy myself new iphoneX because the old ipSE's broken beyond repair. Still winning.</li>
<li>I learnt more about working in a team. Always new dimensions to discover. Learnt more about my family too, about my parents and siblings. I know some might find this peculiar, but not all families are naturally tight-knit like model family and that's okay. </li>
</ol>
So that's all for now. Stayed on with my old job. Trying out things.<br /> And i got lucky found myself a girlfriend! bye!kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-49842989954481916922018-08-13T23:45:00.002+08:002018-08-14T08:46:51.081+08:00I really don’t like night time like this, it brings back bad feelings<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Have u ever realize how one can be so unlucky it transcends misery to become funny?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Yeah like how in a comedy (Bean or Chaplin for example) when the actor got into so many unfortunate event the audience finds all that mishaps undergone as amusing and laugh to that. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Yeah thats me right now. An impressive streak of bad experiences, failed attempts, killed hopes and let downs. Helplessly unhappy and my heart just have to endure the torcher coz what options do i have? At times like this i wish i can cry like normal people coz that might make me feel much better but im cursed with broken emotions so thats another joke on me. Felt like karma slaps like a bitch and laugh at me then slaps some more. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Im joining the laughing at myself l, the jokes on me. Humor is the only thing that can make bad news tolerable. Shit damn fucking hell i’m sad ahhhhhhhhhh. I hate this but it’s beyond my control so let us just be amazed of how fucked up every thing can be. Hahahaha! Dry sobbing all the way.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
Isk isk iskk<br />
<br />
gonna take my moment to be sad now, really milking the sorrow. Savoring this pain.<br />
Then put it away & bounce back.</div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-67843218383232364072018-07-30T17:34:00.000+08:002018-07-30T21:35:07.151+08:00fader<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Back in the
university days (one of the names) friends called me...ayah. Lol yass true friends
called me ayah, rather odd nickname when we were all at the same
young age of early 20s. Why the nickname idk maybe they were
referring to some perks I have that they reckon as ‘being
fatherly’, or maybe some small leadership role I took then made
them see me in a somewhat patriarchial light, or could be I just look
like all their fathers (disturbing af if true lol).</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Almost a decade
later now i’m living my late 20s and still hacking adulthood. At my
current workplace I spend time mostly with youngsters I am the older
guy now haha. And guess what they call me here- Atok haha. First time I heard it I got serious deja vu. Makes
perfect sense tho as I was already ayah before so it fits the
timeline I’m upgraded to become Atok now hahah.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ayah back then, atok
now. Interestingly, only girls and ladies call me these. I dont know
what to make out of that information haha. I regard this given
nicknames as a form of endearment, friendly gesture, acknowledgment
towards my identity. Because I realize my strong affinity towards the
classics and traditional elements. I enjoy modern new things too, Only that I pick
up the certain quality and ambient that older arts and music give and i really like it - simple,
fine and pure. I am an old soul I guess. I dig.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">At times anxiety
comes in and tries to taint all this good faith by whispering bad
assumptions- That ‘ayah’ and ‘atok’ are actually proofs of my
alienation by people. My ways of thinking and reacting, my character-
are completely unrelatable to my friends, they look at me as an odd
figure, and they don’t see me as one of them, they cannot get
along, and the given nickname symbolizes someone who they put in a
different circle, out of theirs. Damnit anxiety shut up. I know
that’s not true. Or is it</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">However I know
things like acceptance and bonding is not an entitlement and cannot
be forced. I’ll just carry on being me, and pursue betterment.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I may be called atok due to my peculiar taste in things and my opinions, but im not gonna let any passiveness carried by the name be associated with me. I still went to music fest & concerts, travel around experiencing culture & people, a junkie for the outdoor activities...so yeah, I think this atok is finee.. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And it’s always interesting to see people’s faces when they heard friends call me ayah or atok outloud in the public. The wide-eyed disbelief amused look lol.</span></div>
<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 115%; }</style>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-75578294574254166092018-07-26T15:27:00.003+08:002018-07-26T15:27:48.663+08:00if only i can put meme or image here for title
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Marie Kondo and the
guys from The Minimalist they said something that goes along the
line-</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> <i>u should only possess/keep things that add value to your life /
bringing meaningful sense of joy, other than that discard declutter.</i></span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Talking about joy
and happiness, the pursuit is ongoing. Living with serious anxiety
issues give me a trying time. I mean, this brain is just WILD. I’ve
accepted the fact that my brain is wired this way and the troubling
throughts aren’t gonna go away, so I try to embrace every one of
them with care. Hopefully not gonna let them leave much damage in
real life. But they put me under a lot of stress and I read somewhere
that stress can be as bad as smoking 22 cigarettes a day, they impact
physical health that serious. Well stress-factors really cause the body to change in a
certain way. I dont smoke but mentally I’m like just killing it
lol.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Also I read
somewhere about how we will get sick when we eat foods that’s gone
bad, which is a no-brainer lah..makan makanan tak elok ke basi ke,
jadi sakit lah. That’s basically the idea of how we will also bound to get
sick when we consume bad thoughts. So maybe I’m doing stuffs like
exercising regularly and eating well; all this just to offset or
mitigate the chaos and battery I self-inflict to my health (mentally)
with my anxiety issues. I might develop some stress-induced illness
down the road and still die quickly. Unhappiness kills- so people, be
happy if u can. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Amidst all this
strange lurking feelings of unhappiness and loneliness, I always
reflect on my life and count my blessings. One exciting thing is
right now I kinda have bit more financial strength after all these
years working I can afford the finer things in life. But I’m very
afraid if I buy the expensive things that I dreamt about then I
realize, I still feel empty. Ah..that's just a total loss.</span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
we are
all finding our place or person that we feel we belong.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 115%; }</style>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-6172816245993150852018-06-26T13:20:00.003+08:002018-06-28T18:00:47.156+08:00HT<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now entering second
half of the year, I'm taking a look back.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think pretty much have went down, felt some interesting feelings (for all its worth), done
some notable things. And made some big decisions.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In the first half of
this year I secured the purchase of my 1<sup>st</sup> house due
completion in 2020. Got some savings-investment portfolios set up. In other words, got into systematic debts lol.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Also finally getting myself sorted out about some laws that I've been
breaking for too long (and keep getting away with it lol). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The challenge now is to try read the future and prepare/equip myself for what I can foresee lies ahead. Need to
be wise and responsible, to live within my means.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I regard these moves
as big decisions because they are serious commitments, financially
speaking. As for the other kind of serious commitments I'm gearing
towards that too. I'm not doing these just for myself.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Keeping my shit together, getting my acts right. Next phase of life is starting. </span></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-37137085743911644302018-06-26T13:15:00.004+08:002018-06-26T13:27:50.544+08:00 way to go<style type="text/css"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</span></style>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What is the best way
to go?</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“The best way to
go is by doing what we love”.
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I kinda subscribe to
that idea for so long. Because “life is so short so might as well
milk it for all it's worth”. So whenever I read in the news some
bikepacker lost his life in a road accident while cycling around the
world, or about an activist who got caught in a cross-fire and died
while in a humanity mission volunteering in a war-torn country, or an
alpinist died while summiting Everest; I can deal with the news. Yes
it's unfortunate, but the deceased were probably passionately living
life doing his/her vocation so that's a big consolation kan? Some might say it's reckless, </span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">but the
process must have given a lot of joy</span></span> also I believe a lot of
thoughts must have been put through before the road is taken. All the
risk assessment, weighing down options, preparatory and precautionary
stuffs and what not.
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But how about in
cases where what we love actually deteriorates our health? Is it a
wasteful illusion, a unworthy choice, poorly taken decision? Like
substance abuse/addiction, bad eating habit, or even toxic
relationships with a lover that seeps away peace of mind?</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some people that I
care about have health conditions related to unhealthy choices they
made when they were younger. Time and time again I try to suggest
corrective measures, persuade them to take action for their own good.
But that's the tricky part, changing lifestyle requires godly
determination- it's hard. And it's very personal, if I went too close
they got mad at me 'nagging'. Yes I want them to be happy, but if
their happiness is unhealthy choices- I wonder how far can I dispute.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm undecided. On
one hand it does feel like it's individual full right to pursue
personal happiness but is it really worth compromising something as
irreversible as health? Quality of life is subjected to both.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In this world
they're gonna be a lot of things other people do that we are not
gonna agree with. And we can't do shit to effectively change the
course of most of them, other than become stressed out disagreeing.
What we can change is ourselves as a functional unit of mankind, and
our choices to follow what we identify and agree with. In that sense life is very
individualistic, almost selfish.
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-3234672006046716272018-06-10T18:56:00.002+08:002018-06-10T20:44:07.762+08:00Storm in the teacup<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC3oHeGfLFhRTqf3c1tqSd_cWnNe7ttUvCNVyM7LjQzDWA6Em2hquSe-OtgZ81AWZNY7byaK2sxv2g26aJS1MP56d8hyphenhyphengsAx5h9fNCaVo4YvEDkWyjRLxNFXxD-mC-0dgR0i8AGsrsIWey/s1600/7b5b19c7fefb08196045bb561bfc84de.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="561" data-original-width="1024" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC3oHeGfLFhRTqf3c1tqSd_cWnNe7ttUvCNVyM7LjQzDWA6Em2hquSe-OtgZ81AWZNY7byaK2sxv2g26aJS1MP56d8hyphenhyphengsAx5h9fNCaVo4YvEDkWyjRLxNFXxD-mC-0dgR0i8AGsrsIWey/s400/7b5b19c7fefb08196045bb561bfc84de.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just an actual photo of me shaking off dejection and bad thoughts</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-86316350646803555272018-06-02T22:19:00.001+08:002018-06-03T09:52:04.834+08:00nzlqrn<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
Holy Quran 2:185<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"></span><br />
The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion.<br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Tbh i’m a confused mess & still figuring out this life. Sometimes feels clueless like Jon Snow lel. Scrutinizing practices and often left half convinced with the answers. What more is there beyond what we can perceive? Agnostic at best idk. But i learn that without any sense of direction i’ll be bouncing all over the place,lost, tired, unsettled. Mans need pointers for the peace of mind. This faith is compass that I choose to hold, (try) to believe. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Quran as a source of reassurement.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Salam nuzul quran 1439h.</span></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-79251259130708242602018-05-31T11:27:00.000+08:002018-05-31T12:56:45.950+08:00bruce-ahalah<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: small;">
<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
</span><br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">“Be like water”
said late Bruce Lee. It's the secret of being gentle yet formidable
as a force.
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">if I were to become
anything as such, I think it's the good old air teh right now lol.
You add sugar and tea powder (not in tea bags) to hot water, stir to
golden yellow and you get yourself classic air teh. But it's full of
fine bits of tea leaves- without a sieve u need to wait for the tea
powder to completely settle at the bottom then only u can enjoy the
clear liquid, sir or pour to a cup or whatever.
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">That kinda reflect
the innerworkings of men, or at least yours truly. I can relate in
the sense that we can have sound mind with the task at hand, until we
find ourselves in an event that stirs our head in the wrong way,
bringing unwelcomed emotions that lay quiet back up and cloud our
clear conscience. How to teabag these and go unfazed by any stirring
is another challenge.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: small;">sometimes i get riled up to myself for having these mental hissy fits. I figured out an adult male approaching the coveted 30 ought to have better control of his train of thoughts and I, had to chase em all the time. Let alone to navigate steadily through the tidings of the mind, lel such a confused mess. Altough all battle is contained inside and no stray bullets got away to crack the surface, dialectics is needed so that no beans is spilled- the proof is this very blog, where glimpses of the chaotic episodes got etched in questionably cohesive words. If it’s an attempt to figure things out- then why every post felt like revealing weaknesses? It is quite upsetting</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: small;">But but but this idea of not spilling beans for the sake of male pride, and being so secretive about personal issues, and not admitting emotional vulnerabilities- it is toxic masculinity isn’t it? </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-8479867360913297062018-05-26T14:11:00.003+08:002018-05-27T11:29:26.233+08:00Tak Shia shiaYo what’s up!<br />
I was in a bad place mentally for the past couple of months.<br />
Got some personal dilemmas that drained a lot of my chill then followed by Ramadan, possibly the time of the year where i felt the loneliest. Double whammy! Certainly not a pleasant thing to constantly be haunted by disagreement,discontention and feeling the crushing sense of loneliness. Shit is exeptionally hard to pinpoint let alone to shake off. As usual instead of distracting myself away I allow the darkness to consume me whole in order to understand the roots to the problems but everytime i just got swept away by the strange tidings of the mind. And ended up tired of everything.<br />
<br />
Then one day while I was hurting in my confusion Shia Labeouf showed up and passionately screamed to me “JUST OWN IT! JUUUST OOWN IIITTT!!” then casually trotted away while stroking his beard like nothing happened.<br />
<br />
<br />
At that moment I dawned upon me. The mental mess that I’m having right now is due to my undivided resistance to some of my reality. I (maybe too strongly) refuse to accept the polarity between my innate values right now and those of my blood lines for example, and dwelling a lot on my shortcomings. The perfectionist & expressionist part of me was at loggerheads with myself about embracing these less favorable details & criticized ideals about himself, in doing that I failed to see all the good stuffs i actually have and throw away my blessings which i should be very grateful about and appreciate.<br />
Thanks my man Shia I’m gonna own them all. I’ll try.<br />
<br />
It’s Ramadan day 10- Still bored. Bored of waking up alone to phone alarm everyday to sahur alone,bored to settle for any simple edible thing because don’t feel like indulging to delicious food alone. Don't get any of the festivities excitement. Going through everyday motions, emotionless. Whats the point of all this. Koyak koo<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc2jUSv1X2huBAumZnOOh9fZPLeOqYVtg5HOQe9hKAykUNMr06mfIVkLqgls_8BRfhtp743nlUM3tvjN-5znrzCoo2h0bKVBWY0cpu8-YcB1JuDYRqikzsEKvHufhbui_EanfY9fqLZ_k0/s1600/shia-labeouf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="1200" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc2jUSv1X2huBAumZnOOh9fZPLeOqYVtg5HOQe9hKAykUNMr06mfIVkLqgls_8BRfhtp743nlUM3tvjN-5znrzCoo2h0bKVBWY0cpu8-YcB1JuDYRqikzsEKvHufhbui_EanfY9fqLZ_k0/s400/shia-labeouf.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OWN IT!!! Okay Shia I hear you</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-11957897899572168772018-05-04T16:07:00.002+08:002018-05-04T16:12:32.064+08:00sonder-ish<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
One can be so
unbothered and apathetic towards another, to the point of giving
non-existent treatment and won't bat an eyelid for anything. Couldn't
care less, just ignore- and leave him/her be.</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
One can be so deeply
concerned and loving towards another to the point of above all
worrying, respecting personal space and having faith that they can
soldier through adversities. Watching from a distance- and leave
him/her be.
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
How every action might have profound alternative backstory and meaning, never fails to amaze me.<br />
<br />
<img src="blob:https://www.blogger.com/0666984b-517a-451a-971a-10e0559c495d" /></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-46052609926122024862018-04-25T22:06:00.002+08:002018-04-27T17:58:15.563+08:00Boohoo+Hnss+zzz<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Recently i come to realize a rather new sensation that happens strangely at night time. Breathing becomes deep and heavy like there’s an imaginary paramedic pressing down my chest in desperate effort to resuscitate. But the body feels light, feet feels like floating in slow mo. There’s a moving feeling of warmth around the face area, eyes tend to squint, brows furrow. Possibly a reaction of discomfort, as if invisible gauze or cotton or tissue smothering the face preparing to wipe tears that’s supposed to be there but not. Something is building up, dammed inside. The doors are knocked at both sides. On the surface it appears idle and unassuming, not reflecting the frantic inconsolable mind. Hopelessly restless, but what more is there to do? it’s time to rest. Must be one of the worst feeling, to go to bed sad and sorrowful. Ayy shittake. Unresolved issue, unmet needs; to come to terms with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">sadness always intrigues me more, making me spend much time trying to comprehend & figure it out because i believe sadness tops happiness as a requirement for a good life. When sadness precedes happiness, exactly in that order- there lies the better plot twist of living. If it’s the other way around it sucks more because the ending is a negative. But the cyclic nature of life dictates that both of them will take turns until a definite stoppage time. So yeah.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
“I savour hate as much as I craved love because I’m just a twisted guy” quoting Biffy Clyro.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-92122175384090323032018-04-13T11:24:00.000+08:002018-04-22T17:39:03.330+08:00bday pawst<style type="text/css"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><font size="3">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</font></span></style>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So what's new?</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Coming of age
(whattt?), I created Twitter & Insta account. What for idk
because still I haven't find the appeal and excitement personally,
maybe this is part of the change-influences from people I interact
nowadays , things that rub off to me. We'll see whether Twitter &
Insta will see any activities as much as here/fb. Sometimes I feel
short quirky ideas that I have fit to be expressed on Twitter, stuffs
like this:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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If I have a free-spirited jovial lady friend that's as adventurous
with awesome taste in music and her name is Nani, I'm fosho gonna
nickname her SheNanigans. Heck still applicable if she's Nina. COOL
SOCMED HANDLER TOO.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Know how before one
goes to sleep at night he/she will try to look back what went down
for the day? A reflection of some sort, seems like a good practice
for mindfulness and to keep memory sharp. I personally try to make
that a habit -although many times anxiety gets in way and made
reminiscent snowball into a dwelling of past mistakes and replaying
regretful actions countless times that's so noisy inside my brain
that I’m forced to blurt “Lalala!” out loud just to kill it. But
that's another story.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Imagine this bedtime
reflections scaled up a bit more, from daily recollections to yearly
retrospection. The twist is- Whilst running, memory of one year is
reviewed in each 1 km. There you have my birthday ritual run. In an
attempt to be more mindful of my journey since early 20s I will start
my birthday by running the distance equivalent to my age. Revisiting
life events and appreciating the small details that made me- me. A
personal ritual that's both challenging and therapeutic. But for 30
onwards I think I'm gonna consider cycling it through la...mental
jugak.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Past two weeks
witnessed a notable battle with anxiety, surrounded by events that
really strike me with duality. On one hand there's a large notion of
happiness to it, then followed by an almost immediate aftertaste of
crippling loneliness. First there was my birthday on a weekend where
I usually keep my schedule more free to spend the day by myself , but
blessed I was, friends showed up and took me out filling my day to
the brim, with celebrations and cake treats and all. Behind the
happiness I exhaustively interrogated the meaning of this
all..because I'm not used to this amount of attention.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Following week after
that me and a bunch of close friends went road tripping to East Coast
to experience th squid jigging season- to spend time together out on
the rolling sea was really nice. In this circle of friends there were
several newly married couple, all around the same age and we know
each other many years already. During long drives like this we
always sang our heart out to whatever song we are in the mood to. In
the car there was me and two newlywed couples, this time the songs
chosen were all romantic and they sang it wholeheartedly to their
partner in each other's embrace throughout the duration of journey. I
joined the happy karaoke but inside I feel like just curl up and be a
rock, or finding an eject button to be catapulted out from the intense feeling. Never
felt such resounding impalation of crippling loneliness to my heart. Helplessly enduring that it's comical. Their happiness and romantic gesture should be applauded, just sucks to be me la wrong place wrong time.</span></span></div>
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</span></span>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-22290704002859957252018-04-12T10:40:00.000+08:002018-04-16T07:33:44.247+08:00upside<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I watched a video
from one internet celebrity (figure?) that goes by the name Prince
Ea, he's what people call ‘content creators’ these days and for the
uninitiated Prince Ea produced motivational and inspirational videos,
along that line.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the video he
elaborated some deeper meaning behind a popular nursery rhyme in the
Western world- the one that has something to do with rowing boats and
sailing and dreams,.
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<span style="font-size: small;">With all due respect
to his constructive ways and message which is undisputedly a good
thing, tbh my initial reaction was..I got irked. Yes I got annoyed by
Prince Ea's such proper presentation with threatrics and gimmicks at
play..sometimes I find it more than necessary so it vex me more.
It's the same way at first I find MatLufthi annoying when he went
philosphically witty in dissecting everyday phenomenon. I don't
know- it's that weird thing when you tend to critic people because
they show a similar trait with you. Yeah, I somewhat identify with
both of them because on too many occasions when I saw videos about
their thoughts that made people go nuts I went “hey I thought about
that too, what's the big deal?”. They become special and famous for
that way of thinking while I'm not, so I might just be green. Props
to them nevertheless.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I think there's a
similarly more profound meaning as well in one nursery rhyme that's popular in my part
of the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“Enjit-enjit
semut, <b>siapa sakit naik atas.</b>” (bold part translation: <b>When in pain, go up"</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I swear I really find this phrase resonating to life on so many levels.<br />Whenever you feel not like yourself-y, taking some time out to the 'up-side' can replenish and restore wonders. If you catch my drift...<br /><br />Going up simply means anything that gives you that sweet heightened experience, not necessarily about altitude change.Climbing mountains or sea diving or connecting spiritually or substance/chemical trips or any activities that liberates you from bad feelings.. who knows;knows. It’s more of a state of mind, not limited by mere place. It might as well be someone instead of somewhere, when you spend time with him/her u feel better. A plane where u find solace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>*not The UpsideDown<br />
<br /></div>
kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-70086279982246822152018-03-30T12:03:00.000+08:002018-03-30T12:23:32.053+08:00randomproteins<style type="text/css"><font size="2">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</font></style>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">When watching movies
or TV series have you ever wondered the age of the characters?
because I'm curious liddat and got very bothered with the lack of
information addressing the matter. Some characters say Jack Peralta
or Barney Stinson or Rory Gilmore did got assigned their fictional
age, but a lot of characters in drama does not have one. Like in
Friends. it was hinted that Ross,Joey,Chandler, Monica,
Phoebe,Rachel were all supposedly living as 20-somethings in NYC -
but twenty what exactly? Why I need to know? Well I think that's
important in storytelling for realistic reasons but also I'm
interested to draw comparison between my life experiences &
accomplishments at given point of time with the 'life' narration of
these characters'. Recently I watched Blood Diamond (for the
umpteenth time) starred by Leonardo Dicaprio as Danny Archer, an
orphan taken in by military contractors and molded to become some
cunning mercenary then turned solo arms dealer cum diamonds smuggler
profiting from conflicts in war-torn countries, just all round
badass,and Danny Archer was 31 in the story. So I went “Damn son 31
and have gone through that shit tonne of badassery, such an eventful
life. Mine looks dead pale in comparison. ”<br /><br />******<br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Food is part of
cultural experience in the sense that flavors, as much as sights and
sounds speak volumes about the nuances of local ways, hence it makes
perfect sense for one to sample traditional delicacies when visiting
new places. Simplistic example are like how Japanese delicate yet
perfectionist mannerism is reflected in its execution of dishes with
mild and subtle flavors, how expressive and colorful Indian culture
is a personification of their punchy spices and flavorsome cuisine,
and how middle eastern penchant for festivities are depicted by
generous servings of food. So I was struck by a thought; What will
the new food culture that consumerism force onto us today says about
us in hindsight? I'm disturbed by the emerging trend which glorify
oversized dessert like milkshake in a giant mug (it's a jug!) topped
with cream plus sugary treats, laden with syrup, with a finishing
touch that looks like someone just spilled bucketload of sugary stuff
on them. “Oh, this looks like a perfectly reasonable portion
according to the RDI and food pyramid yums!” said no one ever. I
struggled to see the appeal in downing that much of sweetness, but maybe the hook lies partly is in the looks- instagram generation love
a food that looks nice on the gram regardless of the actual taste.Many more kinds of sweet servings with
'extra' presentations as gimmick now flood the market, becoming viral
via socmeds, encouraging people to indulge themselves without in
considering health implictions most importantly. Gimik, gi mam.<br /><br />******</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">The other day while
I was having my lunch at nearby restaurant, I notice from a distance
a makcik jual tisu (or something) approaching. I am not a supporter
of this practice- questionable people free to roam asking for
donation; so usually I politely decline or flee the scene (to the
loo) to avoid any contact at all. But as I'm preparing to face the
situation, I notice there's a little kid sitting at the table next to
mine with his family, whose eyes appeared to be fixated to that
makcik as she went from table to table and got turned down. When the
makcik arrived at the little kid's table and asked his family for
some donation in exchange for a packet of tisuue, his family declined
as well and the looks in the kid's as he stared at the makcik then glanced at his father then back to the makcik..his face is just..i
cannot. He's seen too many disappointments already, at such tender age what
he saw will shape his perception to this world. So when the makcik
came to my table after that, I gave the makcik some donation to show
the kid something different for a change (I make sure the kid saw
that, which he did lol). For fear that the kid will lose his faith in
humanity lose compassion and turned coldhearted, or possibly psychopathic serial
killer who just like to see the world burn, I was pressured to donate to offer some example. What a strange kind of peer
pressure. Who's peers with who anyways? Duhhh</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />******</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Imma sucker at
fulfilling invitation, wedding invitations especially because it's
the kind of event that gave me the sense of crippling loneliness
afterwards. I'm conflicted though, between the host's anticipation
for me to show up which potentially makes them happy, and my peace of
mind, also the fear that if I were to get married no one's gonna
spare their time to come down. Most of the time I don't attend the
invitations, but now I think i've learnt a better appreciation to the
concept of love as a pure and realest human experience. Love should be celebrated above all qualms. Hence I
outdid myself this year, already attending more weddings that
my total tally for last year. Like Beatles have said, Love is all we
need.</span></div>
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</span>kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4341390484468439770.post-32578531186084704632018-03-02T19:49:00.000+08:002018-03-03T09:39:07.208+08:00LaylI watched ‘Our Souls at Night’ on Netflix recently and was really taken into the movie. I think the central premise is lovely, a story about two elderly neighbors whom were widowed and living their lonesome life day in day out, almost numbed by the lack of any form of excitation whatsoever, then trying to find emotional refuge in each other then rediscovered love again late in their life (though it’s never too late for love). A beautiful story about an elderly couple, reconnecting to life to enjoy what it still has to offer, and not dying before time is due. A refreshing take from typical lovestory of young hearts. I like how intimacy was portrayed from an elderly soulmates perspective<br />
<br />
“Nighttime are the worst” was one of the dialogue uttered early on in the movie and it’s my favorite line. When all work is done, daytime errands finished and other chores ended, and everyone dismissed back to their respective life, what remains if one are alone is a daunting reality, a silent torcher to the soul. The absence of another soul render our own somewhat soul-less, having no partner to talk to, nothing remotely social takes place, it’s a stagnant space devoid of existence, a vacuous emptiness that can feel like eternity until the sun came. Night time feels forever, getting through it will be painful and to sleep is the only way to make it bearable.<br />
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Lonely nights are indeed the worst. Hang in there, souls. Brave on.kemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05907298918259768329noreply@blogger.com0