im just a simple, peace-loving human. While I do love adventures & challenges, I seek them only from the outdoors. Maybe from responsibilities at work as well. But veery rarely from other human being. So much so that I try my best to avoid high-emotion situations involving other humans, more so when i have no control in the whole ordeal (like when i don't wish for it). Because getting involved emotionally wear my soul out & and its confusing me so bad. i dread the aftertastes in withdrawal phase too.
But past 14 days has been a shitstorm of that. A barrage of high-emotion situations happened, attacking my self-concept. i cant figure them out and understand them, which made me deeply confused..
There were 3 surprise birthday celebrations from 3 different groups of people whom all i think im not very close with. Also I discovered this one friend that constantly messes up with my brain as i cant dictate what he really meant when he speaks about anything. In a recent outing with a small group of barely-close ex-colleagues they disclosed a tonne of very personal stories that happened in broad daylight at the workplace when i was actually there- but i was totally clueless,as oblivious as a doorknob.
All these high emotion situations stick out (in my otherwise free from human dramas life) as unexplainable anomalies. I kinda get it that I need to show appreciation to the kind gestures, engage back with the attention given to me, and cooperate/contribute in the activities. It's not like I hate these people, not at all- I appreciate these experiences, but I have limited capacity to receive/give attention. Throughout these confusing events which felt like time suddenly passed by very slowly, i struggle to function normally, mind just went to a halt & at the back of my head just asking on repeat: "What is all this?", "What does this actually mean?" "What am i for them? Why me?", "How do i deserve all this?", "Wait so they liked me they really really liked me?", "How should I react? What face expression should I make? What to say?"
Followed by a good, long, echoing, mental, "What the hellllllllllllllllllllllllllll~~~~~"
Followed by a good, long, echoing, mental, "What the hellllllllllllllllllllllllllll~~~~~"
4 comments:
Maybe there were things you did back then that have helped them tremendously and they're celebrating your birthday as an appreciation. Just a thought ...
Whatever the reasons were, I cannot control what others want to do/think about me so acknowledge that fact & carry on je le..
P/s: who's this
Your friendly neighbourhood spiderman.
Wait what..i am spidey :|
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