Ramadan thoughts

Ramadan baru ni terasa tawar. Setiap hari macam repeat cycle. Bangkit sahur cukup syarat, skip2 mealtime siang, bila azan maghrib makan balik apa ade, kadang2 terawih. Sebab takde feel jugak tak jejak langsung bazar ramadan cari makan special ke apa, tak semangat terawih, tak semangat nak pulun ibadat. Awalnya aku suspek rasa monotonous ni sebab buat semuanya sorang. Sebab experience berpuasa dah masuk banyak tahun sama (bujang, diperantauan, sibuk etc). 

Sehinggalah 15 ramadan, aku naik broga moreh dengan kawan-kawan. aku bersidai atas puncak batu dalam hening kelam dingin, merenung langit cerah bulan mengambang sambil cuba rungkai fenomena ramadan aku tak best ni. Then the thought struck me macam gedebush percikan air terjun bila terjuk tiruk (not my best analogy).

Aku patutnya takleh tunggu ada feel baru nak buat aktiviti2 ramadan. Tapi aku kena redah je buat dulu semua benda2, feeling tu akan hadir kemudian. Pegi je iftor masjid, paksa je diri terawih jemaah, terjun je join tadarus, seret je diri pegi makan berjenis sikit dengan kawan2. Sedekah hit & run style jangan pikir lama sangat. Lalu bila dibuat, ramadan aku terasa meriah..magic sekali. 2nd half yang lebih berkualiti.

So..adakah semua benda pun patut kita commit je diri dulu baru perasaan akan fill in menyusul masuk kemudian?

In hibition

This is a story about inhibitions or to be more precise, in the psyche sense. Some people refer to it as mental block/barrier etc, but i like the word inhibition more. There's an organic feel to it (like inhibitor enzymes) which the word block/barrier has not.

I'm always interested to learn about humans i met (learn more about myself in the process), and it's amazing how their inhibitions can be lifted by many factors which then reveal their true colors.

recently i get to know some people whom i reckon is so easy going, open to new experiences, and really hard to take offense. Those personal habits that most people will likely try to be discreet about, uh uh no fucks given here as Nike famously put it- Just Friggin Do It! 

While I wonder how can/what makes such uninhibited soul exist, before i realizes the liveliness rubs off to me- And lifted my inhibitions too! Some i didnt even acknowledge existed! I also met people whom i think need more inhibitions to suppress some urges/behaviors that's not very suitable to let loose and roam freely into other people's personal space. Well, that's all about that part.

Another case. One time i met a girl at the minibar during a gig. On the surface she appeared sweet, or some say tad too sweet in relative to the crowd. Dressed very neatly & tidy, softspoken, seems kinda reserved at first. But after a glass of drink (or two) she transformed into another self, fun and kills it on the dancefloor. She's not senselessly wasted it's like the alcohol lifted some of her inhibitions. Like how the curtains are lifted then the real deal came out. I dont drink or addicted to substances, but i fully aware of how these elements can shift chemical balance in the brain altering mood, human behavior, and outlook- not necessarily in a bad way as one might misunderstood or being stigmatized. For me this is interesting, and worthy to be discussed intellectually. 

Ah inhibitions. To be or not to be inhibited is the real question.