washing machine

Baru-baru ni aku turun cekidaut RTW kat Bukit Jalil. Sambil support semua lineup, motivation utama datang sebab nak tengok Emmett I main kat stage besar. Aku ingat masa tengok diorang main minishow The Garage haritu memang terangkat crowd, good times. Bukan sedikit nostalgia & romantisisma yang mengelilingi Emmett ni (grunge, ex-Butterfingers, zaman emas scene musik Malaysia etc.) so bila tengok dia comeback dengan band baru memang anticipation is high. Tapi bila Emmett take the stage & main lagu diorang depan crowd RTW, crowd macam blur2. Tak boleh nak singalong, barely moving. Cuma sekelompok crowd kat tengah yang nampak betul feel the music, ni grungeheads & dia hards dari zaman Butter semua. Emmett siap mintak crowd please simpan phone & enjoy the moment. Bila Emmett main lagu lama Butterfingers, baru crowd hidup. Aku tak kenal Emmett personally so aku tak tahu cara dia fikir, tapi aku selalu rasa Emmett ni seniman yang eloquent, ada substance & articulate ia melalui karyanya. So bila dia nak express diri dengan bunyi baru tapi orang masih strictly appreciate dia dengan bunyi lama, it must have hurt a bit. Loque pun kena macam tu. Lumrah yang pahit.

tête-à-tête

Oddly enough my life has very dramatic these time around. Difficult to mentally chill. It’s a very strange place.

So over the long weekend I’ve reached a consensus to start being less sentimental and emotional, and instead just focus on the aspects that I reckon can bring real change in life (I call them the determinants). This is because I realize I tend to slip into the life dramas of the people around me when it comes to my knowledge. It’s a bouncy vicious cycle. I invested a lot of mental energy thinking about their tribulations, often there’s nothing I can do to effectively help so I ended tired and confused just from contemplating to great length. I should really hear myself because in hindsight that’s a ridiculous way to get yourself  all worked up hahahaha.

And right on following day coming back from the holiday, what’s the first thing I did in the morning? A 7 hours tête-à-tête with a friend, I was taken into a pretty deep dive and I’m not sure I have resurfaced out of the moment yet. No regrets. Only that now I need to deal with this damn withdrawal  lol.

sorry skeletor i tried

Isn’t it just amazing how quick you can contradict yourself lol.

crack.

When you know, you know.